Friday, September 3, 2010

The Lean

After getting a C in judo fourteen years ago I decided to fill my one remaining gym credit at the University of Vermont with yoga. It is a practice I am grateful to have. I have turned to yoga almost consistently over the last decade. Leavening for months at time and then returning to my mat, as if going home after a long journey. Whether scared (knowing I was leaving Vermont), confused (while living in Mass after college), falling in love (in Winston while at Wake), heartbroken (in New Jersey before going to Iowa), reading and writing (while in Iowa), or starting my first real job (in Washington)—yoga has always been there for me. I practiced while pregnant until I was put on bedrest and returned shortly after giving birth. It was 5 weeks to be exact. My aunt Donna helped me bring my babies to baby and me class. At the time I was heavy in both body and heart but the practice helped me through the transition to motherhood. Yoga has never turned me away nor giving me anything for free. My mat has received me whether in tears or in strength. I have always returned knowing it is what both my body and mind needs.
Last Monday night, after a very challenging day with a sick baby (Morgan- who is doing a lot better now) and a VERY active baby (Addy has decided to come out of her shell) the thought crossed my mind to go to a night yoga class. But I was tired and how could I leave Justin (who had worked all day) with the girls knowing Morgan might not sleep. I filled my mind with plenty of reasonable reasons not to go to yoga and sat down in the rocking chair with Addy. Justin walked over took Addy out of my arms and told me—it was a clear demand—to go to yoga. I changed and ran out the door. Five minutes late and with a nod of approval from the teacher my mat welcomed me. Knowing I was tired I did not push my body too hard. I even leaned against the wall once or try (I know better and should practice in the middle of the room). Yet when I least expected it I got sweep up in the practice. With fifteen minutes left in the class I realized why I was there—because Justin loves me enough to know exactly what I need.
Children are a lot like yoga—when you are in it you can do little else. Balance is the key and sometimes it is pure bliss while other times it takes all you have to practice slow patient breathing. Yet I am lucky enough to have a partner to lean on when things get hard and they often do. Together we share the joys and there are so many. Too many to capture on film and remember though I try to document each phase in my heart and mind with great care because it is easy to get sweep up when you least expect it and then in a flash it is over.  We take care of each other. When I see him slipping or frustrated I instinctually feel stronger. When I am tired and fed up he puts me to bed or, in the more recent case, sends me to yoga.  There is little more I could ask for then two healthy daughters, two great dogs, and a man who truly loves me.