Sunday, July 5, 2009

The Mood of the Moment

The super cute Graham kids- our 4th of July dates. As of latley we all go to bed at the same time.

Justin and Phoebe sharing some chips.

I started the blog to answer the requests of friends and family who wanted to see how I looked and felt about my long awaited journey through pregnancy. I anticipated people harassing me to post regularly which is why I have tried to stay firm to the Sunday night updates. What I did not anticipate was that there would be Sunday nights when I just did not feel like writing. Tonight is one of those nights. The reality is I want only to report happy news with only a touch of this hurts and that too. I do not want to sounds like a complainer; I know the post pregnancy will have its challenges so I am honestly trying to save my political capital with friends and family for that. It is not as if anything has really changed. I had a wonderful week with Justin and pups swimming, we had a great time celebrating the fourth with friends (see the pictures above). But at this moment I am just feeling the literal and figurative weight of pregnancy. My yoga teacher encourages us not to pretend, so here is my list of complaints tonight. Mind you Justin has advised me not post such a list in fear that people will call worried etc. I believe his exact words where – “no negativity on the blog.” Please do not prove him right. Please know that I will wake up tomorrow, drive to work in our new (to us) car, teach a class, do some research and be the happy pregnant women I am most of the time. But at this moment, the moment I promised to write, I feel fat, swollen (the nacho bar at the 4th of July party did not help this), worried that I will go into labor too early, wish I could have a chance to delivery naturally, overwhelmed with writing projects I hoped to get out by the end of the month, pissed the crib I picked out is no longer available, and really disappointed that my non-existence yoga and running routine has left by body unflexible, slow, weak, and without definition. There it is. Please resist your temptation to feel sympathy. I know that I am lucky. Lucky to have a kind supportive and loving husband, happy healthy and snuggly dogs, an amazing beautifully crafted home in the awesome state of Washington (which is currently the 70’s during the day and 50’s at night), a big belly with two happy and kicking girls inside, and a fantastic job that I truly look forward to going to. Trust me; I know there are not too many people who can say that—and I am grateful. It is just at this moment I want to wallow, thanks for giving me the space to do so.